shut up and listen!!

“Courage is what it takes to stand up and speak; courage is also what it takes to sit down and listen.”

I love talking. You can even call me a parrot. I can talk from today to tomorrow and not get tired. While engaging in a conversation with someone, my mind can easily zoom off and become occupied with “ how I will interrupt you and ‘say my own’.” I tried to be a better listener when a friend told me years back that, “I only hear. I don’t actually listen” but, it didn’t really work out. I think that has changed now. I’m learning to listen more and talk less. Not an easy feat trust me and Itoro can testify to that.

I am reading a book by John C Maxwell titled “Real leadership. The 101 collection” ( It’s a good book and I recommend it). There is a chapter about the importance of listening and how you can listen. I will list some points I found really useful from the chapter.

•Listening shows respect: when conversing with someone, instead of trying to impress the person by making yourself appear smart, entertaining, you have to be willing to listen to the person in other to be able to relate with the person well and actually learn.
•“you can make more friends in two weeks by becoming a good listener than you can in two years trying to get people interested in you.” ~DALE CARNEGIE (author of how to win friends and influence people)
•Listening increases knowledge : Beware of putting yourself in a position where you think you know all the answers. Anytime you do, you will be putting yourself in danger. It’s almost impossible to think of yourself as “the expert” and continue growing and learning at the same time. ALL GREAT LEARNERS ARE GREAT LISTENERS.
•Listening generates ideas : you will never know how close you are to a million-dollar idea unless you are willing to listen. WHEN YOU CONSISTENTLY LISTEN TO OTHERS, YOU NEVER SUFFER FOR IDEAS.

How you can develop listening skills.
•Look at the speaker : Listen by giving your undivided attention. Focus solely on the person.
•Don’t interrupt: (I am really guilty of this). Interrupting people makes them feel disrespected. Give people the time they need to express themselves and don’t feel that one of you has to speak all the time. PERIODS OF SILENCE CAN GIVE YOU A CHANCE TO REFLECT ON WHAT’S BEEN SAID SO THAT YOU CAN RESPOND APPROPRIATELY.
•Suspend judgment : you can’t jump to conclusions and be a good listener at the same time. As you talk to others, wait to hear the whole story before you respond. IF YOU DON’T, YOU MAY MISS THE MOST IMPORTANT THING THEY INTEND TO SAY.
•Sum up at major intervals : As the speaker finishes one subject, paraphrase his or her main points or ideas before going on to the next one, and verify that you have gotten the right message. Doing that reassures the person and helps you stay focused on what he or she is trying to communicate.
•Ask questions for clarity : If you want to become an effective listener, be someone who gently asks follow-up questions and seeks clarification. If you show people how much you care and ask in a nonthreatening way, you’ll be amazed by how much they’ll tell you.

After reading that chapter, I determined in my heart to be successful this time in my conscious effort to be a good listener. I wrote down some of the points to enable me listen more on sticky notes and placed them around as a constant reminder. It’s so easy to get carried away and just talk and talk especially when the story you want to tell is so interesting. I’m not saying don’t tell the interesting gist, but allow others tell their own and let them finish before you talk about ‘that thing’ you remembered while they were talking. I read a quote somewhere by an author whom I can’t remember but the quote stuck. The person said, “When you talk, you are only repeating what you know. When you listen, you learn something new.” This is so true. I’m proud of myself for the little achievements I have made to be a better listener (itoro I don’t care whether or not you agree *rme*). I have actually learnt more things by listening and not just hearing. By not thinking of what to say or how to interrupt someone (which is very rude by the way). By listening, I have been able to help better and talk more intelligently. SO I AM ENCOURAGING YOU TO LISTEN MORE IN OTHER TO HAVE BETTER RELATIONSHIPS AND BUILD YOURSELF.


Have a great week and thanks for reading. Let’s share and comment yes? :)
Also, please let's encourage my friend, Highfee Noni by sharing the link of his new songs coming soon. I will post the link when its out. Thank you!