My bathroom experience

Hello darlings, how was your weekend? you can tell me all about your weekend in the comment box. I wrote this post on Thursday but, didn't post it then because I want to be consistent with the posting days which is either Sunday or Monday.

You should check the post after this one. It was written by a friend that doesn't believe she is a writer but, who I actually learn how to write from. It's an interesting one and it might sound fictitious but, its the real deal. you should totally share the links to your friends and on your twitter pages, facebook, BBM and whatever social media's you use. you can follow me on twitter @mateyscott

I will be posting a long but very interesting article tittled 'why i like Boko Haram' during the week. so watch this space. 
                                   To the world, Adios!!!

I was doing something and I was smiling. A deep smile of satisfaction and joy. A smile that really resembled my baby, Shikemi’s smile (I didn’t take a picture so I couldn’t see the smile but, I could feel it and it felt just like her smile makes me feel) A smile of ‘Mayowa, this is it; you are going somewhere’. I discovered I couldn’t concentrate on what I was doing so I stopped doing it and I started writing this. I just have to write to capture this moment. Not because I don’t think I won’t have more moments like this but because, I know there is something special about this smile, about this particular moment.

A day ago, I had a beautiful shower experience. I sometimes take long in the bathroom, just letting that cold or sometimes hot water run through not just my body, but my whole system. I let it cleanse me and I exist in a depth of solitude; just listening to my heart and silently talking to God and listening to him build me. It’s always a beautiful and refreshing experience for me. Yesterday, I had one of those moments. It was unplanned, it really was. I was going to go in and rush out because I had somewhere to be and I was already late but no, my whole being got hooked in the shower. Some days before that, I was feeling discouraged about something I have been pursuing for quite a while. Remember this post struggle in finishing, I got inspired after writing that and forged ahead thinking to myself that the battle was complete, the journey was over, not knowing at the time that the journey had just begun. So I’m embarking on this journey (I have amazing people journeying along with me for which I am very grateful for) that I really didn’t think would be a long one initially; my energy was getting sapped; the determination and excitement were dwindling but, with God and those beautiful souls, I still kept pushing ahead fighting with the whirlwind, letting it know I won’t let it carry me to a place I won’t like. I was getting to a very low point, Mayowa couldn’t find the well from which she usually draws her strength from and she was just ready to give up or just watch without doing anything. That is still giving up because I believe once you are not doing anything to change a situation, you don’t have to throw your hands up in the air and announce you have given up before you know you have given up. I was still going to give up when I stepped into the shower but, I came out energized.

I don’t know how many minutes I spent in the shower and honestly, I don’t care. I can’t even explain what took over (God does have way of giving us ropes to hang  on to when we feel we can’t hold on any longer), he gave me a rope that I don’t even think I asked for. I was silent as I had my bath but my mind was far from being silent. It was telling me; ‘You have gone too far to quit now. It’s the darkest before dawn Mayowa. You have gone too far; stop being a brat and just continue. Finish what you have started. It’s not like you are using your strength to do it anyway; you are relying on God and he hasn’t told you he is tired of carrying your weight’. I left the shower bustling with energy, ‘Yes! I can totally do this. I’m going to have such a great day’ and I was convinced. I was happy and it remained like that till about one hour or so later when I decided to continue embarking on the journey. Discouragement hit me so hard I couldn’t explain where it came from, I still can’t. So instead of channeling the positive energy I had before into getting closer to my destination (which still seems shaky and far ahead), I questioned myself and I questioned my journey. I wanted to cry but, as a big girl, I couldn’t cry in public (fine girls don’t cry in public. Errr… keep your opinions to yourself. I choose to believe I am fine). So I did what I do a lot; I spoke to God silently in my mind and I made a friend my sounding board. I really appreciate the fact that he didn’t talk, he just listened to me talk and that kind of helped in doing the trick. After pouring everything out to him including the fact that I felt like a failure and for the first time, I wasn’t sure I could push through and I actually saw no reason to push through, I went to a quiet place where no one was and I cried; Silent tears which have a deeper meaning for me. After crying, I just kept staring outside. I didn’t have my bathroom experience there but, I had something good enough to motivate me.

I set back to work with more drive, hope and faith. To top it all, I read a post by moyo who has an entry hit me hard with your best shot for the series. The bible passage in her post did it for me. 

“No trial has overtaken you, except what is common to man, and God is faithful; he will not let you be tried beyond what you can bear but with the trial will also provide a way out of it so that you may be able to endure it” ~1 corinthians 10:13

… and so I was and I’m still very sure I will be just fine and it will be more than just fine; my journey will end too beautifully and when it does, I will share it with you. My friend that I made my sounding board at the time later called me and said words that lifted my spirit. Words that resonated with the bible passage. Words that assured me I am on the right track because if I’m not, it will be too easy and my testimony will be too tiny.

Back to now, Thursday, 22^nd of May 2014, I am still smiling and I can’t stop. Not only am I smiling physically but my whole being is still smiling and I know it will keep smiling even when doubts sets in, even when it’s not smooth  and it doesn’t look like it will work out as soon as I want it to. It will keep smiling because I’m choosing to smile. I’m choosing to be careless in God’s care like my beautiful Dhuppy once wrote. I’m choosing to let my friends sometimes be my sounding board and I’m choosing to let some beautiful souls in to help pull me up when I can’t seem to do it. After all, that’s one of the beauties of true friendships.

I don’t know who is going to read this but I know whoever will read it will have something he/she needs a little push to keep going, to hang in just there. Darling, God never gives us more than we can handle and with whatever is going on with us, we can choose to create a reality distinct from the physical one we are seeing and everyone else can see. We can create a reality that we have total control over and that reality is the type that we will create in our minds. Our minds where we can be kings, dreamers, conquerors. Our mind that we can stock up with faith, determination, hope, optimism, fortitude. The reality in our mind can swallow our physical reality. Hang in there honey. I’m already smiling on your behalf.

you are not your past

Hello darlings! How was last week and the weekend especially? I had such an awesome weekend. Anyway, I'm going to be posting an article and a beautiful piece written by a not so okay child (i kid) which is part of the 'i want you to know, i don't want you to know' series.

How has your day been so far? I know right, we hate Mondays but, we will still have a good day right?! Okay, enjoy and don't forget to share.

shout out to my talented friend, Highfee Noni. CONGRATULATIONS SWEETHEART. Yayyy! you are done with school. Very soon, I will come for your wedding; mo de ma je rice to po. I am so happy for you.

“WE ALL MAKE MISTAKES, HAVE STRUGGLES, AND EVEN REGRET THINGS IN OUR PAST. BUT YOU ARE NOT YOUR MISTAKES, YOU ARE NOT YOUR STRUGGLES, AND YOU ARE HERE NOW WITH THE POWER TO SHAPE YOUR DAY AND YOUR FUTURE” ~ STEVE MARABOLI

On Sunday, the 11^th of May, 2014, I watched a movie tittled ‘have a little faith’ and a lone tear slipped from my eye. I highly recommend the movie and you don’t even have to be a Christian for you to watch it or be inspired by it. After watching the movie, I closed my eyes and said a silent prayer to God. I asked him with pain in my heart to please let me live a life that will inspire others. I want to be a shining light for him and live in such a way that people will be blessed even after I am gone.  There was a short sermon by a pastor in the movie whose story greatly inspired me and it’s that sermon that is inspiring this post. The statement he made that got to me was ‘YOU ARE NOT YOUR PAST’

I once wrote a story about a man who had an accident. He had injury to his brain and lost his memory. By the way, one of the greatest gifts we have is our memory. Really, without it, I believe we won’t have a past, present and a future. Anyway, prior to the accident, his wife already filed for a divorce. He wasn’t the best husband or father and he abused her physically, cheated on her, neglected his responsibilities amongst other things. She was fed up after years of endurance and unhappiness and so she decided a ‘way out’ was the better option although, she didn’t exactly like the idea of a divorce. After this man’s accident (he basically had to start all over again as what made him, him was gone), he changed and became a better person. Now, she was faced with a dilemma, ‘should she go or should she stay?’ She questioned ‘if people ever really change’ and that was the main point of the story. To ask ‘if people really change’ and I will like to hear your opinion on that. I should post the story sometime. Now, the sermon was basically about the ability of humans to change from who they used to be to someone better. That means the pastor believes people change as there was doubt in the heart of the main character.

                                               I also believe people change

“Mayowa, you do? How can you? That man cheated you yesterday. If you give him another chance, won’t he cheat you worse than yesterday? Wont you be a fool? … bla bla bla”. I want to tell you a story. Lol! I’m starting to really like telling stories.

Donald was a renowned thief. He had a disadvantaged background. His mother was a prostitute and his father, a drug addict and wife beater. His birth was a mistake but his mother did him a favour unknown to him at the time, by not aborting the pregnancy. He grew up without parental love and care and was basically left to fend for himself. He had to survive right? So he took to the streets. Started stealing from the rich as he felt they had enough. He grew up good at only one thing; stealing. He went from street crimes to white collar crimes. He was able to ‘pull off’ venturing into white collar crimes which require intelligence and a lot of intellectual abilities because, he has an in built intelligence. However, the only way he knew how to express that intelligence was by being a criminal. He was found out after duping a rich and influential business man. He was convicted and sentenced to five years in jail. Donald was released early because of his good behavior and co-operation. The rich man was furious … ‘this was a man that took from me. This was a man that made me lose a lot. He hasn’t finished paying for his sins.’ The rich man’s wife looked at her husband with a smile and asked, ‘have you finished paying for your own sins? Didn’t you rape girls when you were younger? Didn’t you steal when you were younger? Do you think you are better than him because you were not caught? Do you still steal or rape girls or do gruesome things? No, you don’t and that’s ‘cause you changed. The decision to change makes you a courageous and better person. You were given a chance at rehabilitation. Why won’t you let him prove himself?’ … The wife welcomed Donald into their home and started training him. She would tell him, ‘the only ways you can atone for those sins are by letting the past be the past and letting a new you emerge’. Donald today is a computer Engineer and is the founder of Change organization that aims at helping people that have lost their way change.

Mayowa will tell you this: stop looking back. Stop thinking about that terrible thing you did. Let go and forgive yourself so you can see the beautiful things you can become and do with your life. Hey! Stop looking at that girl or boy that did horrible things in the past with the same eyes. He has changed, she has changed. She is trying to change, he is trying to change. Why not help? Why not take a minute to look at what s/he can become. If you keep looking at that person like that, you will rob yourself the opportunity to be blessed and inspired by his/her life.

My darlings, this week, think of how you can change because it’s never too late. Think of how you can help that person that is trying to change to be better. Think of how you can live a life that will inspire someone and more importantly, think of how you can lend a hand and give a smile to that person that is not asking for it. NEVER FORGET; YOU ARE NOT YOUR PAST. YOU ARE YOUR PRESENT AND THE FUTURE IS WAITING FOR YOU TO MAKE OF IT WHAT YOU WANT. Gracias my darling!