Ooooooook … This is going to be strange for me because, I am not a
writer but I’ll give it a shot. I am a very complicated person and just like
every other person, there are things I won’t want others to know about me and
there are things I will want people to know.
I DON’T WANT YOU TO KNOW that I am
scared of commitment. Wow! Yes! I really am scared of commitment. I have dated
about 5 girls and none of my relationships literally lasted more than 3 months.
I remember there was one that lasted for 5 months and this was because there
was no means of communicating that it was over. I hate the word ‘NO’. You cannot imagine how much I hate the word
NO. My fear of NO makes me not ask my dad for something’s but I got over it. I
am his child, he cannot kill me.
I am scared of misleading people. Unlike most
people, I don’t just give advice. Even if I do, I tell them to follow their
heart at the end. . I don’t want someone to wake up the next morning and say
‘that’s the guy who gave me a wrong advice’. I am scared of teaching people the
wrong thing even when I know the answer. So I say, ‘I am not so sure’ after
teaching. I am scared of being a disappointment to my parent. Unlike some
people who don’t have respect for their parent, I have the utmost respect for mine;
that is one reason I don’t do drugs. Fact is, if I do drugs and they find out,
they will shout but, they can’t kill me for it. However, deep down I know they
will be disappointed.
I am
scared of losing pretty girls. Yeah I know that’s weird but, who wants to
lose pretty girls? I love girls (L.M.A.O. That does not make me a ‘girl
maniac’. I am just being truthful). I don’t know why but, my heart beats faster
when am making out with someone and this is weird because I have done this a
billion times so why am I nervous?! I hate public embarrassment. For heaven’s
sake, if you want to embarrass me, do it in private. I love my parents because,
they will never embarrass me in public but for people who try to do it, I
always have a response for them.
I hate being
ignored. I mean who likes being ignored? Maybe some people are okay with it
but, I am not one of those people. I hate being pushed away. I am scared my
future might not turn out as planned … ‘what if I am not wealthy?’ ‘What if I
am not happy?’ ‘What if all the girls I have messed with come back to haunt my
ass in future?’ Okay, on a serious note, I’d rather not have you know I am n0t
as tough as I appear and I don’t have it all figured out.
I am like an open book but still,
there are things you might not know,
that I want you to know. Firstly, I am one person you’ll love to meet(Mayowa
can testify to that or not). I always have my friends back. I love friendship,
it keeps people going. I feel bad for people when they tell me they don’t have
friends because one person betrayed them. That’s a really sad excuse because
they are letting that person play a big part in their life.
People look
up to me, some are even my seniors. At times it scares me because, I am
expected to know what to do and honestly, Lams just acts like he knows what to
do secretly praying it turns out well. I am way smarter than you think. At times
I surprise myself.
I am not
ashamed to tell you that, I tried committing suicide before I was even a
teenager. Yes, it was a funny story but I tried it and it was an awful attempt.
I have once questioned if I was adopted but right now, I am glad to know I am
not.
I had bronchitis and it had a great influence
on my childhood. This made me reduce the way I played but, it didn’t stop me
from playing; am glad I didn’t stop playing. In primary school, I once tried
smoking paper. I was really foolish back then. I don’t smoke or drink. Not that
my parents won’t let me, but I don’t fancy the idea. Literally all my close
friends drink but it doesn’t move me.
I have been
heartbroken before. I didn’t think my heart was protected by a fire proof but,
I didn’t think I would be heartbroken at my age either. I didn’t even think the
girl would say no after saying yes and giving me hope. Girls and their
indecision; the male specie also suffers from indecision.
Moving on …
I want you to know that my mind is very
corrupt but, that doesn’t make me a bad person rather it makes me versatile in
knowledge. Knowledge can be good and bad but, it depends on how it is applied.
I will never take advantage of drunk girls. I want you to know I have never
lost anyone so close so I don’t know how it is to lose someone . So I guess I
won’t really know what to say or not to say to a friend that has lost someone
but, I will be there anyway. I do not like secrets because it is one of the
things that causes problems; I value honesty even when it’s inconvenient. I am
not sure these will inspire anyone but, I am happy to share them. Last but not
the least; I am one of the best people you’ll ever know.
***
Our friends
go a long way in shaping our lives so be sure to pick right friends. Respect
your parents and BE USEFUL TO YOURSELF. Thank you for reading :D
LAMS .
❤️❤️ I find this so honest and direct! I really love that you value friendship and respect for your parents!
ReplyDeleteI like that you've overcome some of your fears (From what you've written) and that's great! I hope you'll be able to grow to be more confident in yourself as people are and that you'll get over your fear of disappointing people (which can be good sometimes but might also stop you from taking risks, the good kind)
Hahaha! I love how your heart still beats when you make out! That's so sweet! So precious (don't loose it!)
Quite a number of children go through times when they doubt their parents and think they are adopted, and try to do extreme things. I for one know I did, I even forgot till I read yours. My attempt was eating sand and water (I know, super lame!). But as my relationship with my parents and siblings got better, the pain, the neglect, the hurt began to fade and now it's a distant memory. I hope and pray that whatever pushed you to yours has/will get better!
You Sir might not be a writer but you hit home with your candidness. I laughed, and smiled, related, remembered and felt! Lol not to shabby for a non-writer.
Toyolemi!!!!! He was definitely very candid. Even when we voluntarily decide to tell the truth, most of us will still mask the truth with lies which we try to sell as the 'truth'. Thank you for reading as always and for your very very constructive comment.
ReplyDeleteI think most of us while growing up must have at some point felt like we were adopted. In Primary 4 or so, I actually packed a bag and was ready to leave the house because I felt I was being maltreated by my mum. but, I couldn't leave because I thought of how i would survive. So I resolved within myself to stay but not be friendly with them. I forgot all about that the next day when my mum took me out to a park. smh. when it seems like our parents are being mean, they are just grooming us to be good people.
I can boldly testify to the fact that Lams is a pretty good friend just like Toyolemi, lol.