faces behind the mask

"Behind every mask there is a face, and behind that a story"~Marty Rubin. "So, what is your story?" The photographer asked me after the click of his camera. The Nigerian in me already used to answering a question with another though I had been told countless times it's bad and ironically those that corrected me did the same answered him with another question...."What do you mean? Am I supposed to have a story?" I asked. "Everyone has a story and everyone has a mask to cover up the different things they have experienced. So, what is your story?" I ignored his question and decided to return the favour. " What are you most afraid of?" I asked. He didn't give me a direct answer and said "What is there not to be afraid of?! Do people judge you because of the mask you put on? He went on to ask. "Who doesn't get judged?" I said." Ah, I see we don't enjoy giving direct answers." He said. "But do they bother to ask you why you are the way you are?" I looked at him but didn't answer his questions cos, I guess I had never thought about that question and I genuinely didn't have an answer.... I looked at the man sitted across me and I thought he was irresponsible and automatically disliked him. I mean, I didn't know him but the way he talked and how he was dressed just didn't paint a good picture. I had judged him like they did me without knowing his story or even bothering to know. But who was I to judge?! "Good" is so subjective. I remembered a girl told her friend I was proud unaware that I could hear them just because of my silence during a rowdy conversation." They have released the criminal that stole from my boss." A friend told me." Isn't he your friend?" I asked her. "He was until he became a criminal." A label had already been given to him and that baffled me. He was a criminal but, aren't we all. Name my vice and let me name yours. They differ and so do when they surface and although some don't surface, it's an inner battle. Tell me the conditions you went through and I will tell you mine. Then let's compare who had/has a favourable condition and whose 'marred' him. I stole to provide for my family, I got pregnant before marriage.....Why don't we put you to the test and see if your morals, your beliefs won't fail you. Let's see if you won't be grateful for the grace upon your life that has helped tighten the rope between right and wrong, between thoughts and actions. 'Why would you condemn me for my actions if there are no certainties I wouldn't be a hero rather than a villain if put in the same situation". He stole but, do we ask the reasons why? Yes! He is to be punished so it can serve as a deterrence at the same time, he is to be prayed for and not seen only as a criminal like my friend who has forgotten he was a friend before he was a criminal. I mean, who said you are not capable of stealing for the one you love?! Who said you can't snap like he did and mix up right and wrong forgetting just yesterday, you condemned a criminal and become one in a slight moment and nothing you do will ever change that? Then judge yourself. So, you think you know yourself, how well do you actually do? Behind the smile, behind the courage, behind the laughter, lies the hurt, the pain, the sorrow. Behind the mask, lies me; the me you never took the time to get to know. I have a face of disappointment, another of failure but at the same time, I have a face of hope, another of faith. So, I mask those faces with my big smile and confidence and although I'm not always confident, I hope the mask meshes to my skin and becomes my true identity. I heed to the proverb which says: "You are who you pretend to be so, be careful who you pretend to be." So, I'm careful enough to put on the mask I feel is good enough hoping one day, I won't have to pretend anymore. Do you know all these? Yet, you call me proud. 'Can I start all over again?' I'm not asking you to forget my sins although, I'd rather you do but I'm asking you to look at me and not immediately pass judgement because tomorrow might be your turn and what right will I have then to look at you and judge you?! Shouldn't we all be given a chance to rehabilitate ourselves? Today, I'm back in his studio after ruminating over our discussion days before and now, I understand his last question and have an answer. He hands me the picture of me he just printed and I stare at the smile plastered on my face lost in the thoughts of how I can truly smile now, it reaches my eyes. The sound of his voice brings me back to reality."Look closer! The picture is not just black and white but, has many shades of grey and each shade tells a different story and your smile covers all faces making it seem like there is one face and therefore, one story." He says to me. I look at this wise man and say: "I no longer want to mask the pain, my moments of depression and show only the faces of courage, joy because, I'm made of all these faces and I know these feelings won't disappear by masking them but, I'm afraid I will be naked without the mask and judged worse than before. I asked you before of what you are afraid of. Well, this is one of my fears but, like you said, what is there not to be afraid of?" I look at the picture he handed me again and say:" I am learning to let go of the mask and reveal my true identity with all my scars and joy and let those that won't live and let live judge me.