Hey guys! Happy sunday. This is written by a beautiful friend of mine. So enjoy and don't forget to share. Here is the first entry which was posted last week sunday hit me hard with your best shot. Have a good week.
I am not usually good with words and I am in no way a writer but, I’m going to give this a try. Because, I guess I need to get something’s out.
THIS IS THE HARD PART; THE PART WHERE I TELL YOU THINGS I DON’T WANT YOU TO KNOW. BUT, IT’S ALSO THE NECESSARY PART. We are so quick to tell people the amazing things about us. However, there is more to us than the colourful things people can so easily see.
I DON’T WANT YOU TO KNOW THAT I am scared most of the times. “Scared of what exactly?”, you might ask. I wish I have an answer but I don’t. I just know I am scared of things that have not yet even happened and might probably not happen.
I feel like I am going to disappoint my parents in the future. Maybe not measure up to their standards in school and just life generally. Like they might look at me and I will see it. DISAPPOINTMENT hidden behind their smile and I will know I caused that look they tried to hide.
Every time I go to school, I just sit in the class looking at the board and thinking, ‘babe, what you really want to do right now is not go to school but, get married and you can’t.’ you might think it funny that I will rather want to get married than go to school. I guess it just seems easier. The grass on the other side looks greener than the side I am on now. It’s something you might not understand and I guess that’s why I don’t want you to know it’s ‘marriage over school’ for me. #shrugs … it doesn’t matter if you understand, now does it?
#DRYLAUGH. I don't want you to know that I am a very lonely girl where I am right now. I just act as though I am okay every time I go to school alone and sit alone in class. I see my friends in class laughing and talking about things. I sit back at the corner and act like I haven't noticed or like I don't care. But deep down it’s paining me because I miss my real friends whom I don’t get to see. You see, I had my bitch in Manchester and it was amazing. The many moments we shared; the re-assurance that I wasn’t really alone when I felt I was alone. I have amazing friends back in Nigeria and some scattered all over the world. So it’s different not having them around and I guess unconscious mental comparison is holding me back from letting the guys here in. we have all moved on with Life and communication via the phone, Skype and all is not the same as having them here. But, it’s all good; this is life. IT’S NOT EVERYTHING YOU WANT THAT YOU GET.
The easier part, I WANT YOU TO KNOW…
I want you to know that I am not perfect. I am not always honest or happy, but, one thing I am sure proud of is, I am a very nice person (although Mayowa will dispute this).
Yes! Sometimes I make mistakes and sometimes, I am not a good "friend" to my friends but, I love them so much and I can actually do anything for them.
I am proud to say I have a boyfriend that I love so much and care for. I am hoping to be with him in future. He makes me happy every time.
I am currently is school now and even though my studies aren’t really going on well for me right now, I am very sure it will be a success very soon.
I love to listen to music during my free time as it makes me think of so many things in life as well as my future. I love to make my friends laugh when we are together because I love seeing them happy and not moody. It brings me joy knowing I can put a smile on their faces.
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In life, everyone makes mistakes. Everyone gets a weak point and feel like this is their downfall. But when a person believes, that is the best cure. I believe I am not perfect and I make mistakes, but I also believe those mistakes do not define me and I can rectify them if not directly, but by learning from them and making sure I don’t repeat such mistakes. I am a very nice person who thinks of others and my future .I want people to make it in life and be happy.
With love,
Futajelum girl :)
you think marriage wil be easier? no dear, it wont be, i am not married but i do know that whatever good thing you want takes work..
ReplyDeletei understand your anxiety about a lot of things, it happens to even the best of us. but keep still, revel in your amazing self and take it one step at a time.
*love