My bathroom experience

Hello darlings, how was your weekend? you can tell me all about your weekend in the comment box. I wrote this post on Thursday but, didn't post it then because I want to be consistent with the posting days which is either Sunday or Monday.

You should check the post after this one. It was written by a friend that doesn't believe she is a writer but, who I actually learn how to write from. It's an interesting one and it might sound fictitious but, its the real deal. you should totally share the links to your friends and on your twitter pages, facebook, BBM and whatever social media's you use. you can follow me on twitter @mateyscott

I will be posting a long but very interesting article tittled 'why i like Boko Haram' during the week. so watch this space. 
                                   To the world, Adios!!!

I was doing something and I was smiling. A deep smile of satisfaction and joy. A smile that really resembled my baby, Shikemi’s smile (I didn’t take a picture so I couldn’t see the smile but, I could feel it and it felt just like her smile makes me feel) A smile of ‘Mayowa, this is it; you are going somewhere’. I discovered I couldn’t concentrate on what I was doing so I stopped doing it and I started writing this. I just have to write to capture this moment. Not because I don’t think I won’t have more moments like this but because, I know there is something special about this smile, about this particular moment.

A day ago, I had a beautiful shower experience. I sometimes take long in the bathroom, just letting that cold or sometimes hot water run through not just my body, but my whole system. I let it cleanse me and I exist in a depth of solitude; just listening to my heart and silently talking to God and listening to him build me. It’s always a beautiful and refreshing experience for me. Yesterday, I had one of those moments. It was unplanned, it really was. I was going to go in and rush out because I had somewhere to be and I was already late but no, my whole being got hooked in the shower. Some days before that, I was feeling discouraged about something I have been pursuing for quite a while. Remember this post struggle in finishing, I got inspired after writing that and forged ahead thinking to myself that the battle was complete, the journey was over, not knowing at the time that the journey had just begun. So I’m embarking on this journey (I have amazing people journeying along with me for which I am very grateful for) that I really didn’t think would be a long one initially; my energy was getting sapped; the determination and excitement were dwindling but, with God and those beautiful souls, I still kept pushing ahead fighting with the whirlwind, letting it know I won’t let it carry me to a place I won’t like. I was getting to a very low point, Mayowa couldn’t find the well from which she usually draws her strength from and she was just ready to give up or just watch without doing anything. That is still giving up because I believe once you are not doing anything to change a situation, you don’t have to throw your hands up in the air and announce you have given up before you know you have given up. I was still going to give up when I stepped into the shower but, I came out energized.

I don’t know how many minutes I spent in the shower and honestly, I don’t care. I can’t even explain what took over (God does have way of giving us ropes to hang  on to when we feel we can’t hold on any longer), he gave me a rope that I don’t even think I asked for. I was silent as I had my bath but my mind was far from being silent. It was telling me; ‘You have gone too far to quit now. It’s the darkest before dawn Mayowa. You have gone too far; stop being a brat and just continue. Finish what you have started. It’s not like you are using your strength to do it anyway; you are relying on God and he hasn’t told you he is tired of carrying your weight’. I left the shower bustling with energy, ‘Yes! I can totally do this. I’m going to have such a great day’ and I was convinced. I was happy and it remained like that till about one hour or so later when I decided to continue embarking on the journey. Discouragement hit me so hard I couldn’t explain where it came from, I still can’t. So instead of channeling the positive energy I had before into getting closer to my destination (which still seems shaky and far ahead), I questioned myself and I questioned my journey. I wanted to cry but, as a big girl, I couldn’t cry in public (fine girls don’t cry in public. Errr… keep your opinions to yourself. I choose to believe I am fine). So I did what I do a lot; I spoke to God silently in my mind and I made a friend my sounding board. I really appreciate the fact that he didn’t talk, he just listened to me talk and that kind of helped in doing the trick. After pouring everything out to him including the fact that I felt like a failure and for the first time, I wasn’t sure I could push through and I actually saw no reason to push through, I went to a quiet place where no one was and I cried; Silent tears which have a deeper meaning for me. After crying, I just kept staring outside. I didn’t have my bathroom experience there but, I had something good enough to motivate me.

I set back to work with more drive, hope and faith. To top it all, I read a post by moyo who has an entry hit me hard with your best shot for the series. The bible passage in her post did it for me. 

“No trial has overtaken you, except what is common to man, and God is faithful; he will not let you be tried beyond what you can bear but with the trial will also provide a way out of it so that you may be able to endure it” ~1 corinthians 10:13

… and so I was and I’m still very sure I will be just fine and it will be more than just fine; my journey will end too beautifully and when it does, I will share it with you. My friend that I made my sounding board at the time later called me and said words that lifted my spirit. Words that resonated with the bible passage. Words that assured me I am on the right track because if I’m not, it will be too easy and my testimony will be too tiny.

Back to now, Thursday, 22^nd of May 2014, I am still smiling and I can’t stop. Not only am I smiling physically but my whole being is still smiling and I know it will keep smiling even when doubts sets in, even when it’s not smooth  and it doesn’t look like it will work out as soon as I want it to. It will keep smiling because I’m choosing to smile. I’m choosing to be careless in God’s care like my beautiful Dhuppy once wrote. I’m choosing to let my friends sometimes be my sounding board and I’m choosing to let some beautiful souls in to help pull me up when I can’t seem to do it. After all, that’s one of the beauties of true friendships.

I don’t know who is going to read this but I know whoever will read it will have something he/she needs a little push to keep going, to hang in just there. Darling, God never gives us more than we can handle and with whatever is going on with us, we can choose to create a reality distinct from the physical one we are seeing and everyone else can see. We can create a reality that we have total control over and that reality is the type that we will create in our minds. Our minds where we can be kings, dreamers, conquerors. Our mind that we can stock up with faith, determination, hope, optimism, fortitude. The reality in our mind can swallow our physical reality. Hang in there honey. I’m already smiling on your behalf.