entry 1 "hit me hard with your best shot"

Hello guys! Some time ago, I read an article which sparked up an idea. So I asked some brilliant people to write on the subjects: "I don't want you to know that" and "I want you to know that". They responded and I'm going to be posting their entries for the next couple of weeks. What you are going to be reading are not fictitious stories. you can use the comment box to also express you.

You can follow the blog to receive posts by mail by clicking on the button at the top right corner. okay, thanks. Don't forget to comment and share. The first entry is by a beautiful writer. she blogs at http://moyosmiles.wordpress.com/
                                     ********
 I WANT YOU TO KNOW THAT I GET SCARED. I get really scared. You'd say it's a normal thing for anyone to be afraid of something. You'd say it's okay to be scared sometimes. But the kind of fear I deal with isn't a monsters Inc kind of scary. It's that type that ties you down. That fear that makes you feel you're not capable enough even when it's obvious to everyone around you that you're just a few steps from perfection. That fear that makes you quit something you're so so close to getting a hang of. 

Yes. The one that has stopped me from completing that book I started to write about four years ago. The same one that stopped me from participating in a lot of competitions, even the ones that I had a chance of winning. 

I've been a captive of this fear for so long. So long I can't even remember when it all started; the reason behind it. But I can remember the number of missed opportunities, the number of "almost success" and the various victories that slipped through my hands. 

Maybe last year, I'd say "I don't want you to know I'm scared of failure" maybe two years ago I'd have kept it a secret from you. But now I'm letting go of that. Maybe I'm still a little bit scared of failure but it's not going to be the reason I'm never gonna try. 

So the next time I hear that resounding echo telling me I'd fail. I will go ahead to say : "hit me with your best shot". I'm gonna keep trying till the moment when I'd tell those stories smiling with tears rolling down my cheeks. Till the day I get it right; win the war against my fear. And when it's all over I would want you to know it all. 

WHAT I WANT YOU TO KNOW…

Few weeks back when Mayowa told me about this whole series thing, I thought it was a lovely idea and I was excited to be a part of it. Immediately she told me what it was about, I had my piece all structured out in my head for the two parts. Within a short period of time I wrote the "What I don't want you to know part" while I became surprisingly blank for the other part. 

It wasn't as if I didn't know what to write. No, I knew exactly what I wanted to write. It's something that I've evolved into or should I say been evolving into in the last 365days. It's something I use every opportunity I get to talk about especially with my friend Toyole. But you see, every time I pick up my pen or in this case my phone to type, I become blank. 

So today I read Mayowa's post on should I apologise if my faith makes you uncomfortable? and that did all the trick. 

I WANT YOU TO KNOW I’M A CHRISTIAN, A GROWING ONE. I've been a Christian for as long as I can remember. Well, since I was old enough to know that my parents took us to church every Sunday because it's a Christian thing to do. I attended Sunday school, joined the choir at a point and did a lot of "church stuff". I wouldn't say I just followed blindly but to be honest, my reasons for being a Christian were quite fundamental. For one, I knew it was like a passed down tradition from my parents. I also knew that heaven and hell are real and after learning about burning sulphur in chemistry, I knew hell shouldn't be on my vacation list. 

As I grew older, it became clearer that I needed to make my own choices and no one would be accountable for them but me. I needed to stop hiding under the sheath of my parents. So before my 18th birthday, I made a pact to understand everything I believe in and why I do. 
About 365 days ago, I decided to stop being just a Christian, but a growing one. And to be really frank, it wasn't easy, it still isn't. At that point, there were so many things I needed to let go of; so many things.

I was about to enter into a relationship that would last a lifetime. All these years I've carried the tag Christianity around but never really practiced it. Being born into this generation made it even harder to go down that path, if you know what I mean. 

Getting to know Jesus is quite interesting. Unlike my other relationships, we didn't even have to front for each other; he had been waiting for me all this while. At first, I didn't understand how things were going to work being in a relationship with someone you've never seen. But I guess it's one of the things that makes this experience a wonderful one. And knowing that I'm eventually going to meet him makes me want to know as much about him as possible so there won't be any awkward moments. 

I've felt his presence, I've felt the immensity of his love and trust me, I wouldn't trade those for anything. Waiting for him is a small price to pay for the things he has in store for me. 

Now this has nothing to do with what my parents have taught me or what I've learnt while growing up. This is a whole new beginning. This has nothing to do with you or how you feel about this decision. This is between Jesus and I. Let him be the one to decide if I'm not worthy. If I've done too many horrible things in the past, let him be the one to point that out. You see, I've had to fight the theory of merging religion with being "un-cool" and it all boils down to the society's standards. Now that I'm in a relationship with him, I've never been cooler. I mean, what is cooler than having the prince of all the earth live in you? He has the definition of who I should be and every other opinion doesn't count. 

Like I said, I'm a growing Christian. I still have a lot of questions, I still miss some days in my devotional, I still haven't read the whole bible. I still miss church. I still fall short of his glory and I still have those moments of feeling completely unworthy of his flawless love. But every day is a chance to get it right and I'm willing to commit my lifetime to doing that.

I want you to know I'm a Christian. A growing one. 
*******
THE FIRST BATTLE YOU HAVE TO WIN IN LIFE, IS THE ONE AGAINST YOUR FEARS. THAT BEING DONE, YOU ARE SEVERAL STEPS CLOSER TO YOUR DREAMS.