Ebunoluwa (God's gift) part 2

After 3 rings, a voice finally answers the call..." Hello! Who is this?". "Wow! My number has already been deleted", I say. " Oh Temi! I didn't look at the caller I'd. For chrissake you are calling by 3am". There was a pause and I think he felt compelled to talk.." You ended it you know! You told me sometimes love isn't enough. I'm not some idiot you can screw with and then come back to". "I'm sorry", I say although I was referring to the midnight call rather than the breakup. " I know you are but life doesn't have a reset button". I speak before he continues...." Maybe that's what we are made to believe. We can always start over. We can create our own reset button after using the delete button". " You have always been so selfish Temi. You can't always pick up the pieces when every piece of the vase was shattered. You chose this Temi. You gave up on us. So don't ask me to fight for you again when you can easily decide when I should lose you". He says with a raised voice. Silence falls upon us again as I'm trying to conceal the sound of my tears. He finally speaks up..." I love you Temi and you know that but I don't know what you want from me". "I'm pregnant Max and I don't know what to do", I blurt out. We both say nothing and the silence is choking. " I'm sorry I bothered you". I hung up but still held my phone waiting for him to call back. Max always did.

(Max and I dated for 2 years, 5months, 2 weeks until 3 weeks ago. I normally douche bags and I preferred it like that. Call me a weirdo but it allowed me to still be my very indepedent and unattached self. But mr Max Olusola just had to ruin it. He is so loving to a fault and that unsettled me. There had to be a reason why he is so good. I was beginning to need him and that is a taboo as far as I'm concerned. So I walked out on him before he could walk out on me. Call it insecurity but I call it been plain smart but now I'm thinking, I was been plain stupid).

"Why are you scared?". I was taken out of my reverie by the voice. I turn and see max standing at my door with a concerned face. I reckon Asch opened the door for him. He comes to sit with me on the bed ad holds my hands. "Because I'm an asymptomatic carrier.... (This is a genetic defect which is as a result of clotting factor 8) .... We can't afford to have a male child cos he will most likely have hemophilia. Max this cannot be cured. He will be in constant pain and might even die early". Max holds my hand more tightly and gives me an unrelenting smile... " Then we will pray for a girl and even if we have a son, I will do everything I can. I won't let you lose him". "Don't you understand?!" I yell and tears rush out of my eyes. "He will require constant fresh blood transfusion. Its extremely expensive to maintain and we don't have that kind of money. Besides, he might even die". "Look at me Temi! Look at me!" I raised my head slowly and looked into his eyes. " I won't let him die. I promise you that Temi. Who knows? We might have a girl afterall". He says with a half baked smile. " We might! We might not!" I whisper. Max slept with me for the remaining hours of the night.

After 14 weeks, my fears came to life when I went for a scan. My face froze when my Gynaecologist, Dr Eniola told me I'm having a son and she has identified traits of haemophilia. "You might need to be admitted cos you might need blood transfusion as the foetus will require a lot of blood to survive. Your progress will be monitored and that will determine if you need to be admitted." She said......

"Everything is possible with God" my mum says. "I know that but I'm still allowed to have doubts aren't I?". My mother opens her mouth but shuts it almost immediately swallowing whatever she might have said. "Mother this foetus shouldn't have to suffer". My mother gives me a quizzical look..." Are you afraid for the foetus or for yourself. For the weight you will have to carry". " I'm afraid for both of us. This foetus shouldn't have to go through his life in pain and I shouldn't have to live knowing I could have saved him". My mother stands on her feet as her voice raises.." You call aborting him saving him? Well I will say that is selfish. That you have already given up on him. I will say you are telling God to take back his gift and you have decided you don't want anymore of his gifts". I break down into tears and cling to my mother like a child fighting for her life. But, I'm not the one fighting for my life. Its the child in me that's fighting. My mother holds my hands and starts saying a silent prayer. I stare at her wondering how someone could have so much faith in God that seems to be unfair.

"He is not only your baby Temi. He is our baby. So you can't make the decision for both of us". Max says eyes wide open like a hungry lion ready to devour a prey. I retort.." The baby is inside of me. He depends on me for everything. You might be his father but I'm the mother. You can leave at anytime but I can never leave. The child becomes my life. I always have to be the strong because the child will draw his strength from mine. I can't afford to fail or show any weakness. Do you understand?! So don't come here to tell me this is your child as well. Don't you dare because you are only the sperm donor. I AM THE MOTHER". Max walks towards me and stops only a few inches away from me. I look him in the eye as he does the same..." I love you! You love me! We made that baby out of love. The love you walked out on. I let you but no way I'm letting you deny me the opportunity to be a real father to a child that would need so much love. You can be selfish with your love but I refuse to let you make me selfish with mine. You call me a 'sperm donor' but I won't hesitate to take you to court to show you are just a "carrier of my deposit". I stare at the door as Max slams it. How dare he? I think but my thought was interrupted by Asch's voice....

"He is right you know! Its wrong to deny him the chance to be a father. Temi you might think you have an emotional connection to this foetus but so does he. Brush aside your egotistic attitude for once. Besides weren't you always against abortion? So has that been washed away? ". Asch's words only intensified the anger I feel towards Max..." Well this is my child Asch. This is a child with a severe medical condition so don't you dare judge me" " But what of those other women you have judged? Eh Temi. Didn't they have reasons?". " Well I don't care about their reasons and maybe you will understand someday, that a spade can't always be called a spade when you are at crossroads. You think this is easy for me? Pushing away Max, wanting to abort this foetus. Asch the Doctor said the baby might not live for long. I can't bear to lose him after knowing him. I prefer not to have known him at all". Asch comes towards me and smiles... " Temi if I have a man that loves me like Max does, and a life growing inside me, Temi that enough. Infact more than enough". "Maybe it is for you Asch. But not for me". Asch gives me a reassuring smile and hugs me tightly. "I told you we will fix this didn't I?. Well I think it is fixed". I don't say anything but Asch knows she has got through to me.

Right up to I went into labour, I was not sure of my decision. I wish I could go back right in time so this baby wouldn't have to curse me for as long as he lives. But, I'm right here and its too late to turn back. I look at the concerned faces of Max and Asch which are in sharp contrast to my mother's relaxed, smiling face. All she keeps saying is "Thank you Jesus!" But I'm not so grateful. Infact, I'm not grateful at all but I say nothing. My whole body shakes as I feel a sudden sharp pain all over. I can hear Dr Eniola calling out to nurses to call some other Doctors. I was rushed to the OR (operating room) and an oxygen mask was placed over my nose. The last things I hear is Dr Eniola shouting "we are losing her" and my mother telling God," its not yet time".

I think they managed to revive me cos when I open my eyes, Dr Eniola is smiling at me. I'm in a different room I think as I'm familiar with this room. It is in rooms like this that I come to visit any colleague in the hospital. "How are you feeling?" Dr Eniola asks but something catches my attention before I could answer. My mum is holding a beautiful baby boy and crying amidst tears. My mum and Max comes towards me. Max kisses me. Thanking me for not making him do this alone. My mum hands me my bundle of joy. The baby looks painfully skinny and small yet as I hold him, he becomes this perfect little creature that is worthy of love and belonging. Max goes on a knee and brings out a diamond ring. " I love you so much and you have never looked so beautiful. Love is risky but I need you to take that risk with me. You have to marry me Temi. You have to. You and our seed of love complete me. I will do anything for this tiny creature. So please grant me the honour of loving you more everyday". With tears in my eyes, I find myself saying yes without having any doubt. I'm overwhelmed with joy right now. I'm so grateful I feel guilty for ever thinking of denying this brave child, who has already given me this amazing purpose in life to be his mother, a chance to live. I know I will lay down my life for this child in a heartbeat. I don't know what tomorrow holds or if there will be tomorrow. But as I look at the faces of the people I'm surrounded by (Max, my mum, Asch, Richard), I'm more than fine to be a daughter, a friend, a fiancee and most importantly a mother. This is my life now. Not caring if he is a boy, I name him Ebunoluwa because God who I don't believe in as much as my mother, has truly given me a gift I can't deny. He has given me more than enough reasons to serve him without doubt......